The Holopad
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: It was just a space romantic LT and an anti-alien Commander at first. But sometimes, things happen. And when things happen, things change. And when things change, so does the story. The Holopad.
1. The Prologue

**For WolverineDarlin's personal challenge between her and I.**

**Chapter story.**

**Read. Review. Roadkill.**

**enjoy.**

* * *

Clouds dotted the light blue sky of Earth, the homeworld of the humans, and what resided on this side of the planet was a home for elderly folks. Nurses were taking their daily walks down the paved sidewalk and the elderly were outside for lunch hour, except not all of them. Only the more sickly stayed inside, staring out their foggy windows in hopes of some day living in the outside world.

Two elderly people however had eyes for each other, the woman's mind more demented then the man's. The elderly man always sought her out, just to be sure she wasn't staying inside along with others.

But the old woman had no idea who he was and simply only enjoyed the company of nurses on occasion and listening to the cooing birds by the water fountain.

Numerous and many faded scars criss-crossed the old woman's pale skin, each of them telling a story from her past…and the old man knew just about each and every single one of them.

"Excuse me? Do you mind?" The elderly old man stood nearby the elderly woman. His inviting smile seemed to soothe the other's fears and she merely nodded. The old man sat down next to her, bringing out a holopad to read.

Her curiosity getting the better of her, she asked the other, "What are you reading?"

"Oh…just some story I was given." He turned toward her slowly. "I can read it to you if you want."

The old woman's smile clearly said yes. "…that'd be nice."

The old man held out his hand, introducing himself. "I'm Raphael." The other woman took his head, shaking it once before giving him her name.

The elderly man just smiled, beginning to read the story from the very beginning off of the holopad…


	2. Unintentional Coward

"_Alania? Mommy and daddy okay?" The little girl turned over to face her older sister. "Alania?" _

_The Shepard girl known as Alania had her ear pressed to the wall, trying hard to process what was going on. "Alania?" The little girl gripped her older sister's arm with a vice hold, baby blue eyes staring up at her. _

"_Shush." Alania said quietly. Suddenly a loud gunshot echoed in their small house and Alania held in her gasp, dark blue eyes wide with fear. She knew what that meant. "Casey. Let's go!" She said, her voice rising slightly as she grabbed her sister's small hand into her own small hand. _

_The two sisters opened the door inch by inch, making sure not to look in the way of where the gunshot was heard. But Casey couldn't resist, her small eyes peeking and she gave a loud gasp. Alania looked too and held hers, coughing down her sobs as she saw the blood trickling down the floor. "Mommy?…Daddy?" _

_She had received only one response. "Pistol…pistol…" Alania heard both her mommy and daddy's voice blend into one, the word they were saying was lying on the countertop. Alania was about to reach for it when she heard a swear word…then the shuffling of feet. They were coming back…_

_Alania snatched the pistol and felt its weight hold her down as she grabbed her sister's hand and started running out of the house. Their feet pounded the sidewalk, yelling heard from behind them. Suddenly Casey's cry stopped Alania cold. The blood gushing out from Casey's leg caught her eye. _

"_I can't get up!" Casey cried out, hand outstretched toward her. "Alania!" _

_More gunshots were whizzing past her head as Alania smacked her hand over her ear, refusing to hear anything more. "Casey! Come on! Get up!" Alania saw the Tenth Street Reds coming closer. The main man who had shot Casey was staring directly at her, gun raised up to bear._

"_Alania! I can't!" Casey's scream as the men surrounded was too unbearable to hear as Alania started sprinting off, her own tears spilling down her pale cheeks. "Alania!"_

_That was the last she heard of her as she kept a solid grip on the pistol, one hand still covering her ear, eyes searching to find a place to hide. One of the many alleyways where she knew her Daddy would go to whenever the Tenth Street Reds guys came calling was there at her convenience and she took the sharp turn, scraping her knees as she fell but got right back up. _

_Fear had overridden her senses, her tears still fresh, Alania held up the pistol and had no idea what she was supposed to do with it. She had seen Daddy carry one all the time. Maybe…_

_Footsteps were drawing nearer as Alania bit her bottom lip, standing up to face the stranger. Her weak arms brought the pistol up to aim, mimicking the same way the other stranger was holding his. "Where's mommy?" She asked him, her black hair falling into her face as she glanced downward. _

"_Hey Finch! I found her!" The man had yelled over his shoulder, making room for the other guy who responded._

"…_think its her?" Finch asked quietly, his tall stature over towering Alania's. "Did you get the other one?" _

"_No…the idiot shot her. She's not gunna make it. But at least we got one of them for payment huh?" The man said, holstering his pistol. _

"_Sure. Pick this girl up. Let's head out before anyone sees." _

_Her life with the Tenth Street Reds started._

* * *

Commander Shepard continued jogging on the treadmill, blinking rapidly to erase the tears that were threatening to fall. It was still another whole week before she'd have to report to Captain Anderson for her next assignment, which was apparently on the prototype ship called the SSV Normandy.

Shepard decided to sleep off the memories, even though she knew that they were still going to haunt her no matter what. Maybe when she would get on the ship that they would stop. A new assignment…new people…hopefully no aliens.

She jumped off the treadmill, not bothering to shower, and laid down on her small bunk. A nice little nap to ease her troubled mind.

* * *

"_I'm John." The little boy raised up his small hand to shake, his innocent brown eyes boring into her own dark blue eyes. _

"…_Alania." She said quietly, mud caked on her face and her scrapped knee bothering her. She lightly shook his hand, the boy known as John giving her a tiny smile. For some odd reason, it comforted her, if only slightly. _

_Another girl beside her stirred in her sleep, eventually waking up. She looked to be the same age as both her and John, her short blonde hair gathered in tiny pigtails. Alania Shepard noticed a dark shadow on the ground and looked up. It was the same man who took her. _

"_Hey kids…look's like you guys are awake finally. The name's Finch. And we've taken you somewhere safer then your original homes." Shepard glanced down slowly, biting her bottom lip. What was wrong with her home? _

"_We're the Tenth Street Reds. Pretty soon we'll be more organized and populated, with your help. Don't worry…we're not the bad guys. Your parents were. They damaged a…promise made to us and that's not good. So we took care of it, and in turn we'll take care of you." Finch looked no older then seventeen, his gangly appearance making him look even younger then that. _

_The other little girl finally awoke, rubbing her hazel eyes softly and stared at Finch for a moment before breaking out into tears. To the kid's surprise Finch bent down and ruffled her blonde hair before stalking off. John, who seemed to be the more social one in their small group, stood up and went over to sit next to the other girl. _

"_My name's John." He smiled more fully, his gap in his front teeth showing, and offered his hand to shake. Whoever his parents was, they obviously made sure that their kid was polite instead of making sure to keep a roof over his head. _

"…_Casey." Shepard flinched visibly at that. It was just coincidence, not a sign that she had done something wrong. Shepard's bottom lip quivered, remembering vividly on how she had gotten her little sister killed. It wasn't her fault? Was it? _

_Alania Shepard made a vow. She'd take care of her new friends, unlike how she had taken care of Casey Shepard, the little sister who was now currently dead. _

* * *

Sweat dropped from her forehead and her breath heavy, Shepard awoke with a startle. She rolled out of bed and dropped to the floor with a loud thud, making sure that she was awake and not still in her memory induced dream world.

She had no idea why she second guessed her decision to leave her sister behind that day on Earth. It had to be the right one. It made who she was today. Shepard shook her head, slapping her hands over the side of her head. She still felt drowsy and decided to go back to bed.

Shepard tried her best not to think of Casey, but the task seemed harder then it perceived.

* * *

"_Casey…you can't." Alania Shepard just stood there, watching the blonde haired girl known as Casey Thrace hold a gun to her head. _

"_I can…and I will." Casey still bore the pigtails she had worn the first day they were introduced to the Tenth Street Reds. "…I can't take it anymore. All this killing. All this anti-alien crap. Its stupid." _

_Shepard didn't say anything for a moment. It felt strange to hear someone defending aliens. She had gotten so used to the anti-alien speeches, the pro-human gang movement meetings. They were low-time gang members, but soon they'd build up to something more. _

"_Don't tell me you don't feel the same. Don't you feel as if everything we do is useless…not worth the effort?" Casey's hand was shaking, the gun still held tightly against the side of her head. "What's the point of this anymore…all we do anymore is shit. I can't do this anymore…not anymore…"_

_Shepard finally looked up, staring at Casey disbelievingly. "Casey…one day everything we do now will make a difference. Pretty soon those aliens will realize who's boss. One da-" _

"_Listen to yourself! You're being manipulated by Finch and the rest of them! Anti-alien, racist, whatever you wanna call it…its bullshit! I'm done!" Casey pulled the trigger. Shepard just watched, the blood splattering against the wall and against her face. _

_Shepard failed to save her sister, and now she also failed to save her friend. And both of their name's were Casey. _

_

* * *

_

Shepard curled up into a ball, blankets having fallen on the ground, and held her eyes shut. The thoughts and memories were getting too vivid for her.

…but she needed her sleep.

* * *

"_Name?" The Alliance recruiting officer looked up at the gangly skinny form of Alania Shepard, typing down the information on a holopad. _

"…_Casey. Casey Shepard." Shepard sighed, having taken on the name of her little sister and her friend. _

"_Age?" Shepard knew that she was only seventeen, and that she'd need a parent consent form to join the military but she needed to do this. She promised Finch she'd find a better life, a place where maybe she could spread the word of going against the alien races, and that place was the Alliance. _

"…_eighteen." The alliance officer only merely raised an eyebrow at that, sighing a little. _

"_Very well. Go the left and down the hallway. Your…training will begin today." Shepard only nodded, wishing she had at least brushed her greasy black hair and try to leave behind that one holophoto of her and the gang. They could find it and question her past life about it. Not that it mattered, but it could affect her social status in the Alliance. And the brushing of her hair was only to make her less unkempt. _

_That day the anti-alien antagonist known as Alania Shepard, now Casey Shepard, was handed a weapon and to become a soldier for the Alliance. _

* * *

Shepard kept ignoring the sob that threatened to blow her emotions out of proportions.

The image of a little brunette girl with baby blue eyes, arms outstretched for help, popped into her mind. The image of a teenager with tiny blonde pigtails, gun held against her head, was still fresh in her mind.

…Shepard sighed heavily, willing her tired mind to go back to sleep so she could be ready for her next assignment.

The SSV Normandy.


	3. He Kinda Likes That

"_We're not going to make it are we…Shepard?" The kid who she grew up with, John Marshall, was now tall and also a soldier for the Alliance. Against her wishes John had joined the Alliance, ditching the Tenth Street Reds and followed her. They were both in the N7 program and since joining John's smile was no longer there. _

_She kinda missed it. _

"…_no." Shepard said honestly, grim reality staring at her in the face. This whole mess on Akuze was turning into her worst nightmare. _

"_I knew it." John sighed, the screams and cries of good men and good marines behind them, and lifted his rifle to fire at the thresher maw. _

"…_this fight is useless. We HAVE to escape. Now." Shepard rested a forceful hand on his shoulder and nodded. John looked at her disbelievingly but nodded, knowing that this was the only way they were going to survive and escape this planet known as Akuze. _

_John and Shepard both stood up and hand in hand started sprinting away from the battle scene. Some marines saw and followed suit, knowing that they had to run away from the thresher maws and somehow contact the Alliance. _

_Shepard's head was pounding, her aches and bruises of falling down frequently and scrambling for cover gaining her attention but she still held on tightly to the hand of John Marshall. John's sprint was turning into a light pace, his limp bothering him even more so. _

"_Come on! We have to keep going!" Shepard yelled, noticing John's slight change in pace._

"_I can't…I-" John's reply was garbled up by grunts of pain, the thresher maw's acidic spit catching him in the leg. _

"_No!" Shepard's eyes widened visibly, dropping to the ground along with John. She held on tight to his hand, watching the life fade away from her dying friend. "…don't leave me alone."_

_John only replied with something she's been missing. A smile. _

_Shepard slowly let go of his hand, a lone marine tugging on her shoulder, begging for her to keep on running. "Come on! …leave him." _

_She complied, if only to much reluctance, and ran alongside the marine. "Name?" Even though they were running for their lives, Shepard felt the need to know this person._

"_Corporal Casey ma'am." Shepard almost stopped short in her tracks at that name. It was almost as if the name was following her around. But no…that couldn't be. _

_Shepard could only manage a nod in acknowledgement and clapped her hand over the marine's shoulder. She felt compelled to protect this woman, only because her name was the same as her's, the same as her friends', and the same as her sister's. _

_Little did she know, Shepard was going to be the sole survivor of Akuze, Corporal Casey and John Marshall both dead. _

* * *

Commander Shepard saluted, having being brought out of her memories, and Captain Anderson saluted back. "Nice to have you aboard Commander."

Shepard nodded, a small smile working its way up on her lips. It was nice to see her old friend, even though the two never did share the same thoughts of pro-human and anti-alien views. Captain Anderson was indifferent, knowing that you had to work with them at some point in time. Shepard was anti-alien, her beliefs and views corrupted by the Tenth Street Reds and slowly strengthened by her losses.

"Its good to be here Captain."

Commander Casey Shepard sighed, knowing that this new assignment would have to bring the best of her out, making another silent vow to herself to be more upbeat and less about the past. Maybe in time she could be indifferent like Captain Anderson, but then again, it seemed like an impossible task. Just like not remembering the name Casey…

* * *

"So you're Joker, the pilot that everyone's been talking about?" Commander Shepard stood behind the man in the cap who was sitting in the pilot seat, changing from screen to screen on his console.

"So you're Shepard, the commander everyone's been talking about?" The pilot fired back, giving her his answer by that line alone.

Shepard only grinned back, knowing she was going to like this new pilot of hers. She walked over and sat down in the co-pilot seat, kicking her feet up onto the console. "So Whataya think of Captain Anderson?"

"I just think he doesn't like me." Joker shrugs, fingers typing away on his console furiously.

"And why's that?" Shepard brought up the console screen on her end, randomly shifting through the crew catalog.

"Hell should I know? Besides I don't really wanna say more. I heard you guys are like 'this'." Joker wrapped two of his fingers together to symbolize how close Shepard and Anderson were.

"Yeah. He's like a father figure of some sorts to me. But anyways, you got any family?" This whole conversation was going rather smoothly it seemed to her. Joker was just thinking on how awkward it seemed that his commanding officer was questioning his personal life. But couldn't help but feel slightly important, like as if he mattered more then just some kick ass pilot.

"Pfft, don't we all?" Joker noticed how Shepard vaguely flinched at that. He cleared his throat and tried hard to focus on his work then on how Shepard kept messing around with the crew roster. She had better not be looking up his profile. Then she'd know about his disability. Then she'd doubt him and his piloting skills. All the other commanders did, he expected her to do the same.

At that moment the LT walked in and gave Joker a nod, then noticed his commanding officer sitting in his seat. He wasn't sure if he should awkwardly cough or just stand there like an idiot. Finally to his relief Shepard looked over at him and just stared at him for the smallest of moments.

His black hair and toned body caught her eye but she just shrugged and took a long shot and guessed on who this man was. "You Lieutenant Alenko?"

The man straightened up when he noticed who she was and quickly whipped out a sharp salute, stuttering slightly. "Y-yes ma'am."

"Relax Alenko." Shepard reassured him she wasn't going to berate him or anything of the sort. Kaidan just glanced over at her confusingly, and back down at his feet. Though the lighting was bad, she could've sworn the man was blushing. Whether it was out of embarrassment or not she'll never know but then took another guess. "Your post is here I'm assuming?"

The man just nodded, barely looking up at her as she walked by and quickly took his seat back. "What a strange person…" Shepard mumbled to herself as she walked out, going down to her locker to armor up. She felt safer with her N7 armor on, more protected. Another few days of maintenance checkups and more testing's and they were off for their shakedown run.

And she had already met both her LT and pilot. Rather awkwardly she must say but at least she had done it. Check and check.

* * *

"You have a thing for the Commander don't you?" Joker said out of the blue to his newly acquired 'friend' Kaidan Alenko. Its been a good week since Shepard had been promoted to being a spectre and now they were off to unofficially stop Saren. Everything seemed to be happening so quickly. "Got the hots for her huh?" Joker's smirk grew wide at Kaidan's initial reaction.

"N-no I don't. She's my commanding officer and it's against the regs anyways. Besides I highly doubt it would even wo-" Joker could sense a rant coming up and stopped himself from laughing.

"Relax Kaidan. I'll protect the bro code." Joker interrupted his friend's stuttering. Its been awhile since he actually liked a girl, then again its been awhile since a girl liked him. He wondered how Kaidan was feeling. Joker mentally face palmed himself for thinking that way.

"The bro code?" Kaidan chuckled out, shaking his head lightly.

"Yeah dude! Too much female energy on this ship. There's Ashley, oh by the way, she likes you and-"

"I'm sorry what?" Kaidan cut in, staring wide eyed at Joker.

"Yeah. You can just tell. I actually overheard a conversation between Shepard and Ash. Ashley was listening to some of her emails and there was one between her and her sister talking about," Joker put on his girly voice impersonation, "oh how cute Kaidan Alenko looked."

Kaidan's face turned red, slouching lower in his seat. Joker's laughter afterwards only made him slouch even more. "But anyways, what was I talking about? Oh right the female energy. There's Ash, that one weird asari…what was her name? Oh right Liara. You know. I'm not surprised that the blue chick likes Shepard. Its like everyone is attracted to her or something."

Kaidan decided to ignore the sinking feeling about Liara liking Shepard and instead focused on how to get Joker back. This was it. "Oh yeah? Are you attracted to Shepard Joker?"

That caught Joker off guard if only for a second. Joker sputtered for a moment then was right back on track. "Oh shit no! I mean, she has like half the crew gunning for her attention. I'd rather not be in the middle of all that."

It was Kaidan's turn to smirk. "You ever wondered why though? Why does everyone like Shepard?"

"I dunno. You should ask yourself that. Me on the other hand, she just seems like a nice lady." Joker shrugged, giving Kaidan a small glance that they both shared. And it wasn't a friendly glance either.

* * *

"Commander." Kaidan nodded at her, watching her closely as Shepard slowly approached him, the orange glow of his console reflecting on her face.

"Alenko. Something on your mind?" Shepard knew that Kaidan faced worries and sometimes doubt about his personal life and his past. And it sometimes annoyed her that she of all people had to hear all about it. But then again, she almost felt honored that she was the only one that he could confide in. Its not like as if she was sharing her own past with him. That would take forever.

As Joker was watching the conversation between the two on his surveillance cam he just sighed, noticing the empty spot where the co-pilot seat was at. Shepard hadn't come up in awhile for their every after mission conversations. He never realized how much he actually enjoyed her company.

_You like her don't you?_

_The hell are you? _

_Your conscious you idiot. The one who's smarter then you?_

_Shut up. I can be smart. _

_Yeah at flying and making the Normandy dance. Make a move now or else she'll just go along with Kaidan's poor attempts at flirting._

_Pfft, who said I liked Shepard. Maybe as a possible friend but hey, I'd rather not get in a catfight with Kaidan. _

_A catfight huh? You just totally called yourself a girl. And your one friend too._

_Ugh. Leave me alone. _

_No. Not until you bite the bullet and go for her. Come on, you know you like her._

_And I don't even know why. _

_Ha! You just admitted you did. _

_Jeez…_

_Like Kaidan said a long while back. Ever wondered why everyone likes Shepard?_

_Yeah what about it?_

_She listens to them. _

_So what? Physiatrists can do that to. _

_That's different. Physiatrists are paid to listen to you. Shepard actually wants to help. _

_Are you saying I need help? If so, I need to get a new conscious. _

_Dumbass. _

_That's it! I'm not taking this crap from my mind again! _

"Joker?" Shepard was right beside him, staring at him like he was a complete loon.

Did he just say that last part out loud? "Uh…hey Shepard."

"You okay?" Shepard was trying hard to contain her laughter he could tell, and he wanted to drown in bathwater instead of being in this situation.

"Oh yeah totally. Just…" Joker was scrabbling to make up an excuse but for once in his life he couldn't think up of one and simply sat there like an idiot. If he could walk safely without worry of breaking his legs, he would say he needs to use the bathroom and stalk off. But nope. He had to be cursed with breakable limbs.

"…well anyways." Shepard decided to fill in the silence that was preventing their conversation and for that, Joker was thankful. "I realized that I haven't been up here in awhile. So what's new with you Joker? Besides complaining on how numb your ass is for sitting in that seat the whole day?" Shepard grinned down at him, walking over to her usual seat in the co-pilot chair.

Joker kinda liked that.


	4. What a Lie

"Joker, meet us at the rendezvous point. There's nothing here. The tip off was a lie."

Shepard had gotten coordinates through the email the Alliance supplied her with to receive new missions and Intel updates. An anonymous person sent her coordinates that seemed suspicious, but Shepard thought to be important. The following message concluded that there was a group of tourists that were trapped by Cerberus for unknown reasons and since Shepard's interest in Cerberus was peaked by the recent Admiral's death, she had decided to take the chance.

"You got it Commander." Joker radioed back, setting up his station to maneuver the Normandy toward the rendezvous point. But his pilot gut instinct told him to move quicker, to get to Shepard faster. Whether it was caused by Joker's need to see Shepard, though he'd never admit that openly, or because something felt wrong he couldn't tell but he went faster nonetheless.

If only he could be a soldier on the ground with Shepard instead of being cooped up in the ship everyday…

Shepard kept one hand on her side near her pistol, staring straight ahead. Her team which consisted of Kaidan and Garrus were standing by, keeping watch on both sides for any intruders. Shepard was vaguely disappointed that she hadn't found any tourists or any sign of Cerberus but decided to call it a good day. No sign of the enemy usually was that.

"…talk to me LT." Shepard glanced over at Kaidan, whose sudden pick up in nervous movement and rifle raising caught her attention.

"Commander. I can't be sure but I'm pretty positive someone's following us." Kaidan continued walking on, rifle now fully raised.

"You sure?" Shepard questioned, glancing behind them for any evidence of Kaidan's claims. There were none.

"I'm sure Commander." Kaidan said firmly. "Call it gut feeling."

"Alright. On the count of three, we all spin around and hopefully he or she will appear. Keep an eye out. Okay…one…two…thr-" Shepard got abruptly cut off, her dark blue eyes staring out at nothing in particular before collapsing.

Kaidan and Garrus swiveled around to see their Commander on the ground, knocked out by a stun round to the head. Kaidan cried out, "Take cover!"

But Garrus already did, glancing worriedly over at Shepard's exposed body just lying there. Garrus shook his head, setting up his sniper rifle and swept the place, looking for the other sniper.

Garrus saw a glint and quickly pulled the trigger. His shot rang out and Kaidan looked over at him then up into the trees. A thud followed but also did Kaidan's pained yelp.

Garrus' mandibles fluttered, seeing Kaidan's exaggerated twitches. His first thought was that Kaidan had been stunned too but then Kaidan revealed himself to be strangled. Garrus' blue eyes narrowed seeing who the enemy was. Batarian slavers.

Garrus brought up his sniper rifle to bear, aim on the batarian who was using piano wire to nearly garrote Kaidan, and fired. His shot was straight and true, the batarian's head being blown off and Kaidan's choked coughs following.

"Alenko!" Garrus warned, seeing more batarians swarming them. Kaidan rubbed his neck tenderly, glancing around him and his dark brown eyes widened immediately. "We have to go. We can't take them all."

"No! We can't leave Shepard behind." Kaidan argued, his voice hoarse. His gaze was directed at Shepard's stunned body which was several feet away.

"We have to get going. Shepard will only slow us down." Garrus didn't like the thought of leaving behind his commanding officer, the one who gave him a second chance to prove himself, but it was for the best. "We're not close enough to the rendezvous point to carry her there or call for reinforcements. Let's go."

Garrus pulled out his rifle, gunning down nearby batarians. The slavers seemed more organized then he thought. Kaidan complied, if only reluctantly, and the two sprinted off. The aching decision to leave Shepard behind because she would slow them down hurt them both, but it was the right choice. Or was it?

* * *

Blinding lights. Echoing alien voices. Unbearable pain. Shepard groaned loudly, feeling restraints on her ankles and hands. "Oh look. The human is waking up."

"We finally got someone valuable. Commander Shepard…how interesting." Another batarian spoke up, walking over to Shepard's side.

At the sound of an alien's voice and figuring out that they have her captured made Shepard's blood boil with anger. "Screw you." She spat out, still feeling dizzy.

"No no. Not my type you humans are. Although someone else might…for the right price." The batarian slavers all shared a laugh and it only made Shepard more angry.

"I suggest you let me go…I'm on an important mission for the Spectres. Or else I'll have the Alliance on your ass faster then you can say-"

"Shut up human." A batarian slaver whacked her across the back, Shepard's yelp echoing in the small space. He only whacked her again, except harder and while laughing at her pain.

"What do you want from me?" Shepard questioned, glaring at them all with hatred clear in her eye.

"…to show you that not all aliens are incompetent as you think. I mean, we did manage to capture you…human." One turian slaver came up, towering over Shepard on the ground.

"Racist little human. Your views are small minded indeed." Another turian piped in, shaking his head.

"No." Shepard said calmly, clenching her jaw. "It is you that are small minded. You aliens are all the same…you have nothing to prove. You're all just worthless…" Views and words from years past came into her mind and out her mouth without her knowing it.

"Ha!" One batarian slaver kicked her for those comments. Shepard's grunt only made him kick her harder.

"Idiot human." One turian got a nice swing at Shepard's arm, her whimper only making him laugh.

"I believe it is you human, who needs to prove themselves." A turian commented on her hate filled speech.

"We already have. I'm the first human spectre. And I'm searching for one of your own species, Saren. …you turians think you're all high and mighty but in the end…you're going down." Shepard said quietly, allowing her words to sink in. But all she got was several more hits and kicks, feeling the bruises forming already.

"If so, then why is there a turian on your team? Answer that human." One turian spit into her face, mandibles fluttering numerous times.

For once, Shepard couldn't provide an answer for that question.

* * *

"What happened down there exactly? Tell me again." Joker demanded from his seat in the cockpit.

"Joker. The story doesn't change. Shepard is gone." Kaidan said firmly, still unable to accept that reality. "We…left her behind. We had no choice."

"There's always a choice." Joker retorted, disbelief coloring his actions. "Its either a pop tart or cereal for breakfast. Its either saving your Commander or ditching your Commander."

"…did you seriously just say pop tart?" Kaidan questioned, staring at Joker.

"You're missing the point dude." Joker shook his head. "…now what are we supposed to do? Leave her behind? Are you going to leave your girl behind Alenko?" As much as it felt weird and wrong to say that, he had to tease Kaidan about that, even though he felt something for his commanding officer too.

For once Kaidan didn't blush, he only sighed. "No. We're going to find her."

Garrus was silent the entire time, feeling rather bad for leaving her behind. He knew that Shepard was never fully comfortable around him, Liara, and Tali. And he also knew Shepard wasn't exactly pro-alien either. But he always put aside their racial differences, its just that Shepard never did the same for him…


	5. She Really Was Okay

"Kill me…please." Shepard weakly said to her captives, hand shaking with fear and pain. She was losing her internal clock, forgetting how long it had been. Was it months? Weeks? And Saren was still out there, and her crew was out there as well.

"Silly human. You know we can't do that. I mean…you kept aliens captive longer then this haven't you?" The turian guard replied, looking pitifully down at her.

Shepard only groaned in response, lying cold and hurt on the floor. The entire time she's been beaten, raped by aliens, tortured just for fun, made her rethink her views. She shuddered when the smallest of drafts hit her.

And to think she did the same to aliens during her time with the Alliance on her small time missions. …maybe not exactly the same, but she hasn't been entirely fair to them. Her prejudice past clouded her true thoughts and views.

Shepard then wondered…Was all her decisions in the past justified? In the end, all they ever did in that gang really was senseless crap. They stole from tourist aliens, but they also did the same to humans. She let innocent people die, without meaning to.

But then again could she have controlled those outcomes? She could've saved her sister, if she wasn't such a coward.

And here she was again. Being a coward. Asking to die by the hands of these aliens. Eventually…Shepard learned something new. That aliens could be just as big of jerks as they were. That if you stripped aside the outside differences, they were the same. That the aliens didn't think themselves of high and mighty and that all this time…she was wrong.

Shepard whimpered, her greasy black hair falling in front of her bruised face, and waited for rescue…if it was ever going to come.

* * *

"And tell me again why we're deep in the Terminus system?" Joker swiveled his chair around to face Pressley, who had taken up the job as Acting Captain until Shepard was recovered…if she was ever recovered.

Pressley shook his head. "Because the possibility of finding Shepard there is high. Slavers thrive in this area, its more then likely that we'll find some sort of sign of her here."

"Well if you ask me-" Rapid beeping from his console interrupted Joker and he quickly picked up the signal. "Incoming transmission from unknown ship ahead…looks like slavers. Shit…we really should've input the ghost mode on this baby. Patching it through…"

"Nice ship. Mind if we take it for a ride?" A turian said over the transmission. Pressley and Joker both shared a look. "But never mind that. We know who you are. Commander bitch Shepard's ship. And we do know you're Alliance so don't bother pointing that out to us."

Joker glared at nothing in particular, clutching his arm seat tightly. Pressley only straightened up, several crew members' murmurs from behind them growing louder. "We demand you return Shepard to us. Or else-"

"Or else what? You'll blow us up with Shepard inside?" Pressley flinched, his negotiation skills not exactly up to snuff. He didn't say anything for a moment, unsure whether or not to warn them once more. "…ha. Didn't think so. Here's this simple deal for you. You give us -this- amount of credits. And we'll give you Shepard."

The transmission was cut. Pressley's hands were gripping Joker's chair at that tense moment, waiting to see what would happen next…

* * *

"…why are you nice to me?" Shepard said hoarsely, the turian guard releasing her from the restraints.

"Because. Maybe we don't have to exactly…'torture' you per say to get what we want. I mean, it didn't work out for you and your petty human gangs. So what's the point?" The turian's logic was almost lost on her until it finally registered.

"…are you…letting me go?" Shepard's voice raised a pitch, her lost hope arising within her. Maybe she really is going to make it…maybe she can escape.

"No. Not exactly. Just…making you more comfortable." The turian admitted, sliding a pair of clothing over to her. The black sweats and white tank top outfit sat next to her and Shepard weakly sat up, her bruised and scar covered hand reaching for it.

"…thank…you." Shepard said in a small tone, the slightest of smiles appearing on her thin chapped lips. The turian could only nod, turning away for privacy to her and to hide the guilt on his face.

Shepard slowly put on the outfit, relishing in its cleanliness and warmth. She breathed deep, closing her eyes. The turian guard turned toward her and saw that Shepard had huddled up against the wall and it wasn't until that moment that he noticed how small and frail this once strong human was. …they had broke her.

"You know…" Shepard chuckled but the resulting sound wasn't pretty. "I was so blind in my hate for you aliens…that I didn't even bother to get to know your races."

The turian only remained silent, waiting to hear what the human was going to say.

"I was so focused on becoming promoted, making my way through my Alliance career, trying to forget the past…that I just stuck to the negative and short minded view on aliens. But now that I look at you people and I think to myself…you guys can be just as big as bitches as we are. That you're no different. And that we're not that much different from you guys either."

Shepard sighed shakily, lowering her head. "…and here I was ready to die. But now all I can think of was how stupid I was. In a weird twisted way…my own captives saved my life."

The turian stared at her blankly, mandibles fluttering. After a few moments of silence he finally opened up. "I always thought you humans were just another arrogant and naïve species trying to make their way through this wretched galaxy. That your emotions led your path and you were an unstable race…and would fail in the years to come. But then again…your strength and your inability to give up was the one thing that made you humans unique. And that when you stripped apart your cover story…you humans really aren't all that bad."

"Well…looks like we both learned something from this huh?" Shepard looked up at the turian guard carefully.

The turian sighed a little, raising his talon hand up to his face. "Look…human. Despite the initial impression I had of you, you don't deserve to be on this ship in this situation." The turian grabbed the pistol from his holster, handing it to her. "…you deserve your freedom."

The turian guard left it hanging and Shepard understood what he meant. She felt like time was slowing down as she walked past him, grabbing his pistol, and nodded a silent thanks before limping off.

* * *

The turian who seemed to be the one as acting captain of the ship, the one who beat up Shepard the most, walked into a secluded room and laid down his pistol on his desk. He stood there for a few moments, mandibles fluttering, and hoped that the plan would go through.

He'd get his credits, the humans would get their precious human worse for wear, and they'd leave faster then they could say 'Spirits, Enkindlers, dear God!'

The turian shut the door behind him, pulling out a bottle of turian safe wine from his cabinet and opened it up slowly. He thought he heard footsteps behind him and it wasn't until he turned around to the sound of a gun clicking, that he came face to face with the human herself.

"Idiot turian." He was hearing the exact same words he said to her, except in reverse this time.

The human who's name was Shepard was staring at him directly, the pistol's aim straight for his head, and her skinny frail arms shaking under the weight of the pistol. No longer did he see hate in her dark blue eyes but revenge instead. Maybe he deserved it.

"I believe it is you turian, who needs to prove themselves."

A gunshot rang out.

* * *

Suddenly the transmission was reconnected and everyone on the Normandy was dead silent, awaiting to hear any type of noise. Gunshots were heard in the background, surprised cries following them. And then right out of the blue that one voice they've all been dying to hear for the past several weeks was talking. "This is Commander Shepard…I'm okay."

Immediately what followed was loud eruptive cheers of joy and clapping, all relieved to hear their Commander's voice once again.

Joker was silent in disbelief then soon starts chuckling, letting out a loud whoop. Pressley merely smiled, glad to be rid of the Commanding gig. Over the line Shepard had tears of happiness flowing down her cracked skin, the sudden rush of relief and exhaustion hitting her like a tide wave.

….she really was okay.

* * *

Shepard was limping severely, biting her bottom lip to absorb the pain but couldn't help but crack a grin as she saw Kaidan run up to her. The two shared a friendly hug, everyone's spirits high. "Good to see you Commander."

"Nice to see you too LT." Shepard nodded once, clapping her hand over his back before moving on. But Kaidan couldn't help but keep on staring after her with a small smile on his face.

"Joker. Holding down the fort?" Joker noticed how chipper Shepard was and seemed oddly surprised by that.

"As always Commander." He grinned up at her from his seat, all his worry and wonderings behind him now that she was back.

Shepard turned around away from him and saw Garrus standing there, bewilderment coloring his actions. She stood there, observing him. "Garrus Vakarian…" Shepard offered him her hand, feeling no resent or unnatural hate toward him. It didn't matter that he was a turian. It mattered if whether his character was good at heart.

"Commander." Garrus' surprise was evident but he took her hand, shaking it once before nodding in acceptance. Something new was sparking within Shepard…and it was all because of her recent excursion.

After that day the Normandy crew noticed Shepard's change in character, her ability to work with the aliens a little bit more smoother, brutality no longer controlling her actions, and how she was slowly step by step falling for her LT.


	6. I'm Going Insane

**I don't even know what's keeping me going on writing.**

**All I know is that I barely managed to get this out.**

**Enjoy. While you can.**

**Read. Review. Roadkill. **

* * *

"_Watch the arm!" Shepard hauled him up by his shoulders and dragged him towards the last escape pod. She glanced behind her and an explosion knocked her off her feet, holding for dear life on the wall. _

"_Shepard!" Joker could hear himself crying out for her as she pushed the button, his escape pod hurdling away from her…his Commander. The one person who actually understood him._

_He could hear her staggered breathing through the radio, listening to her struggle to breathe. Joker couldn't help but feel bad. _

"Hey human? You alright?" The turian bartender was staring at him strangely, pouring him his third drink that night. He was barely buzzed.

Joker looked up, out of his memories. His head was swimming, dizziness taking over for a moment.

"No…not really." Joker just shrugged, giving the drink a second glance but instead chose to grab his crutches, placing himself carefully on the ground. His leg still felt extra sore from when Shepard nearly broke his leg when she saved his life.

Joker slowly maneuvered his way out of the bar, crutches still supporting him. Maybe…he will accept that Cerberus offer. He'd get to fly again. He'd get to see Shepard. Hopefully…and maybe she'll be able to see him walk once Cerberus heals his legs. He'd get to walk…

He couldn't wait to see her face. His ego boosted a little at the thought of seeing her proud face as he would limp up to her without the support of crutches.

_Okay you're getting ahead of yourself Joker. You don't even know if they even recovered Shepard's body…_

_Don't go there. Don't imagine her body…don't…have some self control inner mind!_

_You just did. Idiot. And that wasn't me who imagined the Commander's body. That was you. And you alone. I personally, the smarter side of you, has better constraint of myself. _

_Screw you…_

Joker ran his hands over his face, his arms still leaning heavily against his crutches for support. That's it. He would take the offer. But first…a little sentimentality. He walked on his crutches to his hotel room here on the Citadel for he had been staying here a lot since he'd been grounded from flying.

He passed by the receptionist, giving her a small nod of acknowledgment before using his card on his door, waiting till it opened. With a loud exaggerated sigh Joker walked into his room and sat down on his bed with a creak, tossing his crutches across the room before carefully reaching underneath his bed. He pulled out a small box which looked worse for wear and opened it up, relishing in the smell of dust and pulled out the first thing he saw. Shepard's personal journal. It was written on paper, not holopad and that was the thing that intrigued him.

He vowed never to read it of course but something told him that he had to…so he did. Joker chuckled at his own sense of emotional baggage which was to hoard things that belonged to his…dead commanding officer but it wasn't as bad as Kaidan Alenko's. Kaidan's permanent residence room had posters of the galactic heroes…which was Commander Shepard herself. That had to have killed him inside.

Joker shook his head and opened up the journal, trembling hands caressing the thin paper as he turned each paper, skimming the headlines. One in particular caught his eye. It was from many years ago, possibly when she was a kid.

_Journal Entry 13_

_They still have my trust. Despite recent events…_

_Casey, John, and I were just walking around our small encampment area where the Tenth Street Reds resided in. But…Finch told me and Casey to go with him. So we did. John could only just stand there and watch as we left him behind. Two other guys were with Finch. He had said it was for our protection…that this is what the cost was. So we did. I had looked up to Finch as a daddy…but…I'm not so sure anymore. _

_I kinda thought this whole thing would be fun…but Finch said if we continued doing what they told us to do, that'd we'd be able to go out with them on 'patrols'. Even though we're only fourteen, I've always wanted to go on patrols. _

_Thanks Finch. _

_-Alania Shepard _

Joker reread it over and over again, hoping its contents would change. But it didn't. There was one thing that kept bugging him as well…the name. Alania Shepard. Is this Shepard's sister's journal he was reading? Or her own?

_This doesn't make sense._

_Nothing makes sense according to you._

_Shut up…and help me._

_You're asking your other half of your brain to help you figure this out? Simple. When Shepard joined the military, she changed her name. _

_But why? _

_Keep reading Dumbass._

Joker snorted. He hated himself sometimes. Now not only would he not get any sleep tonight cause of what he read, but now he's having more and more internal arguments with himself.

"I'm going insane."


End file.
